⋅ 9 November 2011

Vatican Blues

My mom came in and caught me
playing with my bone
She said ‘my God! oh Jesus!
won’t you leave that thing alone!’
I said ‘I’m sorry mother
but you really should have knocked.
Instead you barged right in here
and you caught me with my cock’.

She said ‘I guess I shouldn’t have
just walked right through the door
But honestly I had no clue
of what you had in store
I think you need to find a girl
who’s pretty and refined
I think that if you keep this up
you're liable to go blind

I told her that was non-sense
An old religious lie
She said 'get dressed
and come with me
and Christ pull up your fly
I'm taking you to see the priest
he'll fix your problem quick'
I said 'it's him who taught me
how to fiddle with my prick'.

My mother gasped in horror
then she boxed my little ears
She put me flat across her lap
and spanked my little rear
She said 'how dare you say
such things about a man of God
I hope that when he sees you
that he doesn't spare the rod'.

I said 'I doubt that mother
and I think it is a sin
That all us little altar boys
should take it on the chin
But either way it matters not
whatever may transpire
For a man of God is never wrong
while a boy is just a liar'

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  • Thanks Steve. Sometimes our sense of humor is all that stands between living and dying. I can't speak for other victims but for myself, poking fun at the abusers has been a form of therapy for many years. I probably wouldn't be here if I didn't learn to do that. Cheers, Patrick 9 Nov 2011 by

  • There is a lot of truth in it. 9 Nov 2011 by

  • A very sad reflection on the keepers of the Gate..... 9 Nov 2011 by

  • My eyes and heart are brimming over with the deep sadness and empathy for those who experience such uninformed, misguided, unkind treatment by a parent who ought to have realized that their child needed to be believed and defended... and I feel outrage at the selfish, cruel and criminal misuse of authority by some 'men of the cloth' who beguile the innocent, proving they are anything but decent mentors, let alone men of God... You write extremely well, enagagingly even, and the message is important, albeit tragic... Very well-presented piece, and I feel for you...thank you for sharing some of the journey, brave one... 9 Nov 2011 by

  • Funny initially and tragic as the narrative unfolds, Patrick...you know, it raises a lot of anger and sense of outrage in the reader - against the 'holy' men who shatter the innocence of boys...another classic, Patrick...your poems have a great deal of energy and power 9 Nov 2011 by

  • You've actually penned an example of constructive subversion ha ha... now that I think of it, if anyone was gonna pull it (no pun intended) off, it had to be you : D14 Nov 2011 by

  • I have just found this wonderful poem Patrick, priests who hide behind their religion and then abuse boys need exposing (pardon the pun) excellent poetry16 Nov 2011 by

  • A wonderful tribute to the helpless and abused, Patrick. The transition from humour to...well...horror (in the true sense of the word; not the tabloid cliche) is outstanding.17 Nov 2011 by

  • You manage to make amusing a dreadful hypocrisy in the Catholic religion, but you don't make light of it. You make the point more fully, if anything. 7 Jan 2012 by

  • Patrick, I find it quite cathartic to use humor in the saddest of situations knowing I may be able to put it to good use in a fine (and exceptionally well written) poem on the subject of what some men of the cloth are doing 'round the world. As an incest survivor I applaud you for writing this outstanding piece. I loved it! Kate25 Feb 2012 by

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