⋅ 14 April 2012

Mr. Coffee's Ghost

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"The Helicon of too many poets is not a hill
crowned with sunshine and visited by the Muses
and the Graces, but an old, mouldering house,
full of gloom and haunted by ghosts."
-Henry Wadsworth Longfello
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Mr. Coffee, who just today
Sent Margaret Thompson a bouquet
Of Birthday Lilies, green as tea,
Just shared a bit of news with me.

How odd he seems when he is near.
So daft at times, and very queer.
He told me just today a grim
And spectral spirit is haunting him.

He told me how it steals the light,
And how it keeps him up at night.
And then he said, "But I don't know
If it is friend, or it is foe."

Mr. Coffee's Ghost, says he,
Fancies his Cranberry Tea.
For he's spied it, quiet as can be,
Pour itself a cup, or three.

He suspects it fiddles with the Loo.
He's heard it flush a time, or two.
Though he figures it just wants to play
In its ectoplasmic way.

I fear, I do, our gentle friend,
May have finally met his bitter end.
That he may not see the here and now.
That he's lost touch with us somehow.

I fear his mind perhaps is spent.
And no one knows just where it went.
As though it packed its bags one shifty day
And lumbered off to Paraguay.

I fear our dear and troubled friend,
Has slipped right off the deepest end.
As though he's lost his crackers and his cheese
In tons and tons of black-eyed peas.

Or, perhaps it's but a jest? A way
To put us to the test today?
To find if we can fairly see
His little play at comedy?

He said he asked his Ghost one day
If it would kindly move away.
And it spluttered out, quite unrehearsed,
"But, truth be told, I was here first!"

Mr. Coffee says he has a Ghost
That likes to steal his raisin toast.
And when he leaves the living room,
He hears it toying with the broom,

Shaking corner cobwebs fair,
Dusting things from here to there,
And sweeping clean the Parlor screen.
Aye, it's heard, it's just not seen!

The oddish way he looked today,
He seemed just a wee bit gray .
Asking if he'll ever comprehend
If his Ghost be foe, or it be friend.

He says, "Of course the floorboards creek."
He hears the murky darkness speak.
He feels the curtains move and sigh,
As evening slowly tip-toes by.

He says, "The place is rather drafty, yes.
And it's a madhouse, I confess.
The sounds this house makes in the rain
Is never easy to explain"

This Ghost will turn the heater so far down
All it gets is cold.
And then tap tap tap the attic wall
Whenever it feels extra bold.

It will shadow every little room
With a phantasmic potpourri
This spooky little specter
Mr. Coffee cannot see.

This spiteful spook, it flickers lights,
To express it's ectoplasmic rights!
It rings the doorbell in a way each day
That scares the neighbor kids away

He'll spot a restless shadow dance,
Whenever he nods half a glance.
And Mr. Coffee feels he's in the right to stay,
And does not want to move away.

So, Mr. Coffee has a Ghost
A fair bit ghoulish of a Host,
Who thinks itself a China Rose,
And keeps poor Coffee on his toes.

Reminding him most every day,
His Ghost will never move away.
And in this Peculiar Poltergeist's parlay,
His Spectral Specter's here to say.

Copyright © 2012 Richard D. Remler

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  • I do love a ghost story Richard. This was first class.....Pat14 Apr 2012 by

  • Woooooosh! A poem, a song, a tell-tale long...and i'm likin' it fine,my friend ! When I first saw the title , I thought you might have written a poem 'bout "Joe Dimagio...The Post Yankees Years".(remember when ole' Joe played Mr. Coffee in the 70's & into the early 80's}?..LOL! Very well written piece. I'm an obsessive compulsor on structure...and I think you did a great job from stem to stern regarding "even-flow"....~FjR~14 Apr 2012 by

  • Lovely narrative that's filled with refreshing humor and wit, excellent form and style!14 Apr 2012 by

  • Another perfect narrative write Richard..I enjoyed the content and the rhyming too!!14 Apr 2012 by

  • an-excellent write, Richard14 Apr 2012 by

  • Superb ghost story well told and written, great piece.14 Apr 2012 by

  • magical story the ghost isnt leaving14 Apr 2012 by

  • It is a start on a good nonsense verse14 Apr 2012 by

  • Absolutely creepy and haunting! La, awesome tribute to a subject I'd as soon keep away from. Although, it reminds me of a certain Dr. Mahaffy(sp?) who I'd been told was all too happy to have such curiosities in his life. Fantastic tribute to such horrors with superb imagery and invention. Wonderful.15 Apr 2012 by

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