Under a green canopy
my two buddies asking me
why we ever came to Asia,
to the jungles of Malaisia.
Broken was that bloody Rover
and the engine shipped from Dover
would arrive when the Monsoon
hit the region all too soon.
Since we had some time to kill
we decided that the thrill
of the local big Casino
where they play Blackjack and Keno
would be just the thing to do.
I was well-informed and knew
that the locals still would eat
animal and human meat.
So it came, that with a grin
we were told about the win.
We had hit the pot called Jack
and they pointed to the stack
of those yankee greenish notes.
Then two men in fancy coats
came to greet 'Congratulations'.
As with all those corporations
papers needed to be signed,
as we did, right from behind
twenty soldiers had assembled
two of us now feared and trembled,
we could see that they meant harm,
off went white man's loud alarm.
They took us and all the dough
to the Palace where the pro
stood before the giant portal
like a man who is immortal.
'Come', he said, 'it's time for dinner
and we welcome any winner
to the Palace when we dine
we will serve Malaysian wine.'
Far from blind we wined and dined,
quite a contrast from the grind
of the jungle without wheels,
those who know just how that feels
understand the jungle soul
and the young explorers' role.
Came dessert and a cigar,
Chief then said 'you won't get far
with the loot that you have taken
from the poor, you Godforsaken
thieving white men this is it! '
We knew that we were in the shit
and from the corner of my eye
I now observed a toothless guy
who sharpen his machete knife
on a wet stone held by his wife.
From the kitchen came new sounds,
as for us, we did have grounds
to be a little bit concerned
just then the biggest honcho turned
to face his people, then he preached
'These funny fellows, tall and bleached
from the Continent of Whites
will be given their last rites,
and by then the pots be boiling
and the women will be oiling
white man's skin in preparation...'
What a wonderful vacation!
We were panick-stricken now
tried to quickly figure how
to escape these cannibals
and to save me and my pals.
So, my buddy Fred said 'Chief,
may I speak, I shall be brief,
I and my two comrades here
are resigned and have no fear,
as the women start to baste
to improve, for later, taste
may we join, yes, all of us
in a prayer without fuss,
it will please the white man's God
and he'll give you then the nod.
Just a short time to invest
it will help you to digest.
Since the blessing comes from Heaven
we will need the time of seven
minutes, do I have permission? '
And the Chief made his decision
'sure we grant you this request,
although, after you've been blessed
we must go on with the meal
and there will be no appeal.'
Fred who is a hypnotist
and by Mesmer had been kissed
stood and said in somber tone:
'Anyone who owns a bone
will soon experience a feeling
of innermost and soothing healing,
your eyes will close when I say NUMBER
and you will drift into deep slumber.
Relax my people and go deep
into a long relaxing sleep,
no sound, no movement will affect
no eyes will open to detect
or otherwise be wise to things
You shall awake when morning brings
the sun back from the Coral Sea,
and only then will you be free
to move again and think of eating,
sleep well now, I adjourn this meeting.'
Hot tears welled up in all six eyes,
Fred had put UNDER all those guys.
We quickly checked to see if maybe
a truck existed, when -Oh BABY -
we found a Hemi five-point-seven,
I was in first and started rev vin'
we loaded up the Cherokee
with all our winnings, laughingly,
then floored the pedal, let those horses
unleash their Daimler-Chrysler forces,
criss-crossed the jungles of Malaysia
and vowed not to return to Asia.