My Story

I can feel the burning sensation in my throat.

Wanting to speak.

Feeling as if the words are stuck on my tongue.

Fear of speaking my emotions.

Fear of showing my weakness.

Fear of showing you it hurts when you do that.

Feeling the shame.

Feeling the judgement.

I shrink.

I want to crawl inside my body and turn off the lights.

Please don’t see me.

Please pretend you don’t know who I am.

Please stop telling everyone you are sleeping with me.

Please stop using me as a scape goat.

Please stop calling me a slut.

I didn’t do anything.

I have not even had sex.

But I guess it doesn’t matter.

My voice is dismissed.

Used.

Raw.

Alone.

and I’ve never been touched.

I hide in the cave of fear.

Turning off the lights.

Living as a shell.

At 14, I embodied shock.

Lifeless.

NUMB.

Desperate to FEEL

anything…

alcohol, drugs, and sex.

Why not live my reputation?

A split in personality.

Fractured.

Welcome, darkness.

Let’s play here for awhile.

Let’s try this on.

Does it fit?

Does the role they’ve given me fit?

Does this feel good?

When will you stop?

When will you realize this isn’t who you are?

6 years later, I REALIZED.

I remembered what felt good.

LOVE.

So I started to change my life.

I began desiring to understand myself,

to love myself.

To inspire, create and rebuild.

I am grateful for my experiences.

I am grateful for the darkness, the fears, the lessons.

Thank you for showing me who I am.

WHY I AM HERE.

Thank you<3

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