⋅ 26 February 2011

Sonnet III

Oh thund'rous muse where have you gone this day?
You swept right through this vacant house of mine,
Inclined to leave no light on thoughts to say.
Your coat of dust is felt on my decline.

This search for something else to grasp onto
Declares my soul too bare for all to see.
A storm should gather in the clouds I drew!
Pour suff’ring ‘pon my home vindictively!

Hope comes to me inside these dreams of you!
How then am I to fill my page with blooms
of passion’s own demanding needs? I'm blue…
Forlorn, my breast is emptied out of swoons.

A gentled rain begins to fall in tune
with heart’s own beat; my muse has been exhumed.

Copyright 2011 Kimberly Hillard

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  • This is really a beautiful poem. I love the imagery describing the struggle writers face. Is this from class?27 Feb 2011 by

  • Beautiful and nicely done....the first line might look more like pentametre if you replace the "e" in "thunderous" with an apostrophe. It's very pleasantly properly written. I quite enjoyed this.27 Feb 2011 by

  • You have an extra syllable in that first line Kim. 11 syllabes. (thun-der-ous) you could force the (ous) into an accent. But you would have to follow the word with an unaccented syllable. *(erous muse) is an anapest, the way it sits. something like this would work (oh thunderous the muse has gone this day). That would give you your pentameter. In L6, I might say (my soul too bare for all to see) to smooth the sound of the line a bit. In L11 you have 11 syllables again (vi-o-lent.) Again you could force the 3rd syllable in the word into accent. (when passion’s violent caress waits true?) might work. It gives you something to sort out. I love the intent of the poem as a whole, the loss of inspiration is something every poet experiences at some time, and to make that loss a lover is a wonderfully done in a metaphorical sense. A poet friend//RHPeat27 Feb 2011 by

  • You are so brave to try sonnets. I tried one and fell off of the chair laughing at how bad mine was. 1 Mar 2011 by

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