I spent the night listing — all the names I forgot
Every solemn mistake — all promises broken
There is no coming back — add the age to sabot
I believe I can close — this book so long open
Have that carved on black stone — hidden where heart once beat
That same stone I whispered — every single secret
Stones are good listeners, — and not bound to repeat
I wish I was a stone — how’s that for a regret?
My stupidest idea — was to have you confess
You put no love at all — in your goodnight kisses
Let me die with no hopes — as I lived optionless
Draped in cheap sympathy — reciting dumb preaches
Who’d you trust with your dreams? — Who’d return the favour?
Will you be remembered — once you are but deceased?
No one’s caring today — same number as before
It’s October the last — at last to say the least.
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I really like the unique structure of this poem. The second stanza is my favorite one, especially this line: “I wish I was a stone — how’s that for a regret?”. Well written, thanks for sharing!
Thank you for the nice comment. The second had me hesitating because of the “stone” repetition but in the end I was like, why not?
Thanks again
every line in this piece could be a poem on its own.. they’re that good.. but “It’s October the last — at last to say the least.” – you know, I wish kids would read this kind of poetry in school.. I think they’d learn much more from it than they do now.. how did you even manage to think of something like that? oh right, you made stuff equally awesome before.. fuk it, this is my new favorite.. it’s creatively unlimited
I just realized a huge part of me posting here is for your comments to, once again, make me feel like it’s worth something.
I said it before and I say it again, you’re the best out there and your opinion matters to me.
Thank you just so much for all that.
As in the previous comments, I love the structure of this verse and the words (and meaning) in each and every line too. Very creative and very thoughtful, leaving the reader wanting to check it out again.
Very kind of you. Thanks for taking the time. Looking forward to read you again.
this is really good. great use of structure and word play
Thank you Gregory, your comment is appreciated.
Word play here is on point. Well structured piece with amazing flow. You’ve done a great job on this splendid piece!
Always nice to hear from you Jarid, you know how your comments are valued here.
This structure is nothing short of incredible, I really enjoyed the read and I’m honestly at a loss of words at this point. Incredible stuff here, as always!
You just never are at a loss of words my friend, you’re Cyrus the creator.
You already know I’m a fan..
But, I managed to find a favorite stanza.
“Who’d you trust with your dreams? — Who’d return the favour?
Will you be remembered — once you are but deceased?
No one’s caring today — same number as before”
So much 🔥🔥🔥🔥!
The feeling is mutual and your support undeniably appreciable. Thank you my friend
Wow! I love this. I started reading it across and like how the italicized lines
commented on the regular typed lines. Then broke the poem in two, read the
regular lines and then the italicized lines and pretty much they made two
separate poems. Just amazing!