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short list of what keeps me up @ night

1. lost memories that my head aches to recall
2. how blinded I was by my love for you
3. haunting memories that crawl on my walls
4. you
5. all of the awful shit I’ve done
6. how awful you were to me
7. every horrible thing i can’t take back
8. every time my tongue became a poisoned knife
9. all the love i can’t get back in this life
10. broken mirrors and my 7 years of bad luck
11. my breaking head
12. the smell of every drunk upchuck
13. the buzz sound bees make that sounds like bees but also bizz but also buzz
14. the fact that i don’t have your number blocked
15. how awfully enough my eyes still blink to the clock
16. song lyrics to random songs you showed me
17. listening to and analyzing every song you showed me because i think we spoke in music
18. the putrid fact that i still love you but at the same time despise you
19. my wandering brain
20. how there’s literally so many fucking colors but you can still create your own
21. how black mold can kill you but mold also makes penicillin which literally saves lives
22. the way you used to hold me
23. how nobody’s ever held me the same
24. the way pulpy orange juice tastes, it’s just like a billion times better than normal fucking orange juice how does leaving the pulp in it turn it from mediocre to fucking brilliant
25. the fact that i would compare myself to pulp orange juice and you to chamomile tea
26. how chamomile tea either makes me tired or annoyed
27. my overtly made calculations
28. all of our hesitations
29. the feeling of new resolutions
30. every time i’ve shared my soul
31. the word oregano

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