Looking on the outside in

Looking into my life you might find craziness or confusion, 

Seeing that all good things are just an illusion 

I suffer from the anxiety and fear that creeps in at night, 

Making my family filled with such fright  

But as the night rolls on I began to fade away 

Feeling as if I was just a made to do nothing all day  

It’s sometimes hard for me to even get out of bed 

Especially hearing the aworthless thoughts inside my head 

I try not to yell scream or fight  

But when I try talking it just does not come out right 

I feel as if I have been on this struggle bus for years and  years  

Fought as hard as I could with many of tears  

But I have grown tired of the loneliness and cold 

Also realizing I have to suffer and live this out till I am  old 

I have no time to leave this earth now because of my child  

So, I will figure this dark rabbit hole out and stay a while 

He is the light of my life and makes me so happy 

Even when mommy is overwhelmed and feeling a bit crappy  

I have done some things I am not proud of  

So hopefully the guilt is something I can get pulled out of 

I hope this appointment will do me some good  

I am scared of the outcome though in what way could it even be good 

Seeing myself in a whole new light 

Seeing myself in a monster that only comes to pick a fight 

Seeing myself as a different person 

Seeing myself consumed with all this hurting  

I have much too much self-improving to go  

So hopefully I will not wilt in my sorrows and only blossom and  grow 

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