Just a little random late night one

I find myself sat in the same spot at the end of each day

Wondering when will this feeling ever fade

I flick through the firestick watching the same constant shows

I manage to find comfort and escape reality through those

When the episodes end I wonder for change

I wonder when I will love myself again

I smoke another cigarette, these ones taste rank

All I can afford is ’20 of your cheapest fags’ due to little money in the bank

My fingers smell of nicotine and my hair is knotty

My bedrooms a mess, it makes me feel grotty

I think of the girl I used to be

Clean, well dressed, good job and proud to be me

Will I ever get back the person I were before you destroyed me

I don’t think she’ll come back it’s a distant memory now

Don’t you see

I think of my son he’s with his grandma tonight

I feel like I let him down I just want to get this right

I think of going back to work, but what if I miss his first steps

Such a vicious cycle I just want to be free of debt

I feel like I can conquer it all, the world is my oyster

I just wish sometimes I wasn’t such a disappointment

I met someone new, in some ways I’m happy

Will I get the fairytale ending I’ve been dreaming after?

Its night again now, I feel this way again

Maybe tomorrow will be the day I put this all to an end.

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