I wish

The day the phone rang

I broke, I was lost.

Many days I wish,

I had just let it ring. I wish,

It never had to happen. I wish,

I could go back. I wish,

I could have protected you.

 

What used to just be an ocean,

Was now and an eternity away.

And I would run that eternity,

With out looking back,

With out a second thought

 

I wasn’t the only one.

A week was all it took.

The second call came.

He was gone too,

It was too hard without you,

So an angel collected him,

I brought him to you.

 

I was mad.

Mad, you never said.

Mad, never said.

I was jealous

Jealous, He got to be with you,

While I had to stay.

 

I held those pills

I wanted that angel

to collect me too.

I remembered that anger

That jealousy.

That day,

I swear that angel,

Took those pills from my hand,

Or maybe.

It was you,

Telling me I would regret it.

 

Some days I would yell,

to god.

To you.

To the angels.

But now,

I yell at myself.

For hours, while staring at those pills.

Wanting to go,

Go to you,

To where I belong.

 

That heart break,

That anger,

It isolated me.

I refused to reach out to the only one

To the one who was waiting.

 

Again, for the third time,

That dreaded sound,

The sound I now tie to all this pain,

Came again.

Calling out to me

I picked up that phone.

And I listened,

Regret filled my heart.

He joined you too.

 

Now, I shield my heart,

I built up the walls, I built them high

I made them strong and steady,

Now, leave one eye open.

Now, I protect myself, because that’s all I have left.

 

I wish,

the clock would go back

I wish,

I could have you back

I wish,

There was some trade I could make

I wish,

We could make more memories.

And in my heart.

I know you do to.

 

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