I know nothing I have ever done was cool enough to get you to pay attention to me
I get the scraps that fall off your attention table
I know nothing I ever do will ever make you want to spend time with me
Your approval was nothing I was able
To reach as a kid growing up
Or as an adult, now that I think of it
Couldn’t wait for you to get home,
I waited by the door
But you opened it up and squished me
And left my excitement scattered on the floor
I know you cared –
The laundry, dishes and chores got done
Too tired, too hungry, too sweaty, too dirty
Just a few of your reasons you left me alone
Hard work was what you lived to do
Home was just another bill due
It held nothing, meant nothing
Needy tenants that wanted more than you could give
Now I understand I wasn’t in the life you wanted to live
Still chasing those times
Trying to catch them and put them in a jar
Memories that light up like fireflies
Keep ‘em on my nightstand
So I can watch them at night
And stare at them while I try to go to sleep
Like all those nights when I tried to wake you up
In the dark when I had bad dreams
I went away hurt
A nuisance in the night
Stroked my own hair
Told myself it would be alright
I still hold myself alone
Even after all these years
After every fight
I still tell myself those words
Even though I know they’re a lie
As a Child
Published inMain
This is very relatable. Thank you for sharing this.
Childhood pains and hurt can really be so hard to talk about, even after you’re an “adult”. There certainly is healing, but it can feel like forever.
Hope you are doing alright 🙂
Take care
I truly loved this, and I don’t love much of what I read here. Perhaps one of the reasons for poetry (just one) is to try to get the reader to feel how the writer felt, and therefore share a moment. You did that. Good on ya…
Thank you, Gregory54 ~ I go through spurts of inspiration here and there haha
Have a good one
Most painful to a child to not be acknowledged and loved.
Difficult for a small child to comprehend why the parent is so cold.
Child begins to think he/she is unlovable or flawed.
Now I realize that parents can’t give you what they
don’t have to give. Very painful and relatable poem. tfs