It Is With A Heavy Heart

Aw shit…I’ve been avoiding this one, but here he comes slinking in.

I named him Tristitia and he hangs around my frontal lobe

all heavy seas and cold hard weight.

He drags down this crowded mind with visions of hades

or a crowded barroom full of noisy blabbermouths

a dead future a dead love.

I do subtle battle with this one

but when he wins I don’t notice

I am lost in his blanket of quiet sobs

echoing down these dark hallways

blasting with quiet numb emotions

the kind that you drown in

but that never bring death

just a sort of coma or a living unpleasant dream.

He came to me as a child

a cunning vampire

that drained the happy day away

from the sensitive little boy.

He showed me the evil that lives in us all

he showed me how to cry inside

and smile at the perpetrators

as they twisted their knives

with the kind of glee that only a human would know.

But I fight the bastard

with laughter and meditation

I read and read and read

fascination dulls him and brings a certain peace

for a while.

I know that he will be my constant companion

and I will duel him to my last breath

I swear to you that at my death I will smile

and know that my closest companion

will not follow me

but will instead cry himself to sleep.

 

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