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life in a box

a part of me i have lost
sits alone in a box
trapped from the outside world
memories i have stored
i do have days
where i feel i’m not ok
and i go back to the box
and again i feel lost
i push it aside
and hide my fight
i think of memories
and forgotten dreams
one-player games
indside on hot summer days
hours alone
yet from that i have grown
i have secrets
and in my mind they stick
in my mind
i walked an endless road that winds
with each curb there was a lie
and agian i was forced to hide
i have people try to get inside my mind
but most walk away still blind
i’m always thinking of something
but she always pushed me down as if she was above me
she said her emotional ghost came to call
she would toss and turn and stall
i faced mine, and they were quick to fall
i spent my life trapped within the walls of rooms
to me that room was the world, i had no clue
my mom finally said she dosen’t want me
i’ve wanted those words from the begining
by age three
i knew this life i led was not for me
i pushed and faught
to the point i was distraught
i was dragged through my moms wild days
that still continue at times today
i am now seventeen
and you may be surprised at the things i’ve seen
murdered hearts
of which i was apart
distruction of lives
long sleepless nights
the falling of my mother
and picked her up just before she was lost in the gutters
from the world i hid myself
and happy is the feeling they all thought i felt
there are feelings i have never felt
for i focussed on the punishment that would be delt
to be a child
to be free to smile
to have freedom
and know that i’m only human
been expected to protect and hide
no trace of proof that anyone could find
things i have endured
make people think i should be emotionally distrubed
abuse to extents that leaves no excuse
left alone
where unwanted love was shown
the love i have come to know
is one of which bruses after then show
i’ve slept outside
and with unfamiliar men by my side
been held tight
and after across my skin ran a knife
since before i could walk
i knew better than to talk
the things i’ve seen
and still i’m only seventeen
been locked in trunks of cars
and hit with metal bars
from which i have plenty of scars
slept in piles of vomit
though i called out, ” mommy”, as she walked away after she saw it
late night parties
and mom was sure to bring me
drunken car rides
thought i was sure to die
passed around
after i was found
still the truth
never pushed through
loud fights
walked away with black eyes
sleeping on metal springs
were punishments set for me
these are the things that have made me
and still there is so much more to speak…

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