I Said “NO”

I said no but he continued anyways
He giggle every-time I said “stop”
I didn’t want to do it
I didn’t want to make out
But he didn’t care
He sat on me, held my hands
And kept kissing me
I wish I wasn’t drunk
Maybe then I could have defended myself
Maybe I wouldn’t blame myself
Leaves in my hair, my clothes were
Messy when I got home
I cried myself to sleep
I was in pain
But at that moment I was too numb
To feel
I was broken
But I’m sure he wasn’t
I can’t close my eyes
Without seeing his face
His smile, his happiness
When his hands were all over me
I said “NO”
So tell me
Is it worth the pain I feel?
One time when I said no
I said no but the room was dark
He covered my mouth
As I screamed my lungs out
There was a light at the end of that
Room, I really wished that god
Had send me death to just finally
Take my soul
But well, god had another plan for me
He made me live to feel the pain
He made me suicidal
But he’s god
So I can’t say **** anyways
That time I was sober
But I couldn’t defend myself
Was it my fault or his?
He should have just stopped
When I said “NO”
Some people knew,
Some people didn’t
They called me crazy
When I shared my story with them
It’s not my fault that I was sexually
Harassed but I can’t do ****
I’m only a woman who will be
Blamed for the clothes she wore
Or the signals she gave to them
I only wanted to defend myself
They hurt me
And I hurt myself
Even more
When I couldn’t defend
Myself

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