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Dead Inside – Dead To Me

How dare you?
You have no right to take my heart,
And crush it in your hand!
Your obsession makes me afraid,
Who are you? !
You are not what I thought you were.
What have I gotten myself into?
Banging my head against the wall,
Screaming and breaking,
And then the silence comes.
Quiet weeping and few broken words…
…As I slip into a state of insanity.
The sweat running down my face.
Vomiting until I can’t breath
Do something!
You have to!
He took your life away!
Everything you worked for,
Everything you dreamed of..
It slowly drifts away…
I feel no excitement, nor sadness.
Just pain and hate.
Don’t fatter yourself.
I don’t hate you.
But I hate what you did.
What you made me into.
You kept on pushing,
Didn’t let it go easy.
Look what you did!
You created a monster!
I will sacrifice my only friend,
My soul mate.
This will be the hardest sacrifice of my life.
But I have to do it.
It will hurt more than anything else.
You don’t know me,
And you never will.
You don’t deserve it.
You are not worthy of my time.
You broke the unbreakable,
Thought the unthinkable.
‘The blood stays on the wall’
I’m dying inside..
Don’t flatter yourself.
I don’t suffer because of you.
The only connection between my emotions and you
Is that you just triggered it all.
I’ve lived in two different worlds – real and virtual.
Always have.
But now I’m left with one,
The one that helped me this past year.
It’s not the one we share.
I will only concentrate on what matters the most.
Not friends, boyfriends or fun,
But study, knowledge, music and books.
Like always,
You assume something is true,
And then judge by that.
So how are you better then any fool who judges you?
You didn’t trust me.
So why should I waste my time with someone
Who doesn’t think I’m trustworthy?
The reason I couldn’t stay with you,
Is the same one why couldn’t break up with you.
You stabbed my heart and said those hurtful words,
I don’t wonder why people leave you!
And why they don’t give you their trust!
Look at what you did to me.
You are not worthy of my explanations.
You think I’m selfish, then I will be.
I will bury myself in the place I feel secure
And will not share my brilliance with anyone else,
Just to protect my scarred eyes from the world.
I do not want to see you
Or hear from you.
I know I am cruel,
But you are to blame.
You ruined my life.
You made me see,
That I had made the biggest mistake
By noticing you pathetic, cruel monster.
I’m not going easy on you,
Even though I should.
But one thing you don’t understand,
Is that you are not the only one.
There are people who feel worse than you,
People who lead worse lives than you.
But there is a difference.
They don’t live on others pity.
Don’t deny it.
You do.
You talk about your ‘problems’
Every time something goes wrong.
But you never ask if I’m willing to listen.
If I don’t already have too much on my plate.
You being ‘semi-satanic’,
You should know by which rules you should live.
But you can’t even follow your finger,
How would you be able to follow a philosophy.
You talk about your ‘mental disorder’,
But do you even know that you are not the only one?
I guess not.
It’s the reason I was problematic in the first place.
But as I said,
This is none of your business.
Lead your sorry life how you desire.
All I can say is,
You are dead to me.
Dead as I am inside.