Last Sunday I went off to sea
just me and my apostrophe.
Met Frank out near the southern reef
dressed in a large banana leaf.
Politely all were introduced
and soon we suitably got juiced,
the conversation was about
hot snags and spicy Sauerkraut.
So there we sat, watched by the sea
and one of us was drinking tea,
the rest had Bundy rum with coke
and Frank began to tease and joke,
he singled out with heartfelt glee
my beautiful apostrophe.
So I, not willing to observe
and to affect a crucial nerve
in Frank I added just a bit
of rum into Ap’s tea, to wit:
My beautiful apostrophe
gulped down another cup of tea
stood up and said, my silly boy
it’s not my nature to annoy
nor to receive a taunt and glance
from anyone but boys from France.
The rudeness of those frogs is known
it’s in their topsoil, kindly grown
and nurtured by those silly mimes,
they call them accents in these times.
DAY-Gue and GRAAVE and CIR-COM-FLEXE
all look like me, all have no legs,
they give their origin as earth
as real commata, from birth.
Needless to say, most countries knew
what flying commas really do
and thus we no longer deploy
those silly fragments. Now, my boy,
I ask you would you be so kind
to search your convoluted mind
and find the places to assign
apostrophes, you little swine.
I do apologise of course,
and may yet show some clear remorse
but do not blame my master here,
he won’t insult you. Such a dear.
I need to add, you may have guessed,
and get this burden of my chest.
You hit the sauce and I have tea
and then you titillate poor me.
Some day, when legal matters come
and you are not imbibing rum
I may be instrumental in
a legal battle that you’ll win !
You know, my master pampers me,
it lets the legal eagles see
that a small being (pedigreed)
comes handy in a time of need.
I have a cousin, cute like me
you would enjoy her company,
she’d teach you how to punctuate
abandon your disordered state.
And on those days when duty calls
at home or in the city’s malls
you’d always place for all to see
correctly each apostrophe.
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