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#68 Living with…..?

(Note none of this is really for sure What I say it is. Mainly because I was trying to figure out which symptoms I noticed fit with which of the overarching stuff I’d been diagnosed with so a lot of times I’ll probably be wrong. Like I’ve said before I sort of do these poems for therapeutic reasons.)

Living with depression? I ask

Yeah like you have depression? They say

I’m sorry if that’s what’s it’s like for you but

I don’t live with my depression

It lives with me

It makes me exhausted when I wouldn’t feel tired at all in most normal cases

It makes me feel completely apathetic even to things I loved like writing or poetry

It makes me a grouch and no one much likes being around a grouch

It makes me feel worthless even when I’m doing some pretty great things

And that’s just the stuff I notice

Living with depression?

No, it lives with me

And what about this living with anxiety?

Again it’s the other way around

It makes me scared to even think about talking someone in fear of what I might screw up

It makes me question my every move when I’m doing poetry, or dancing, or singing, or working on some piece of art or another, or etc.

It’s that little voice in my head saying not good enough, never good enough

It’s like I live in a nightmare

It makes me question my very sanity sometimes

I don’t live with anxiety it lives with me

I don’t live with anxiety and depression

They live with me

They make a lot of noise

They leave a mess everywhere

And they’re extremely rude

They’re like the unwanted house guests you’re too afraid to tell them they need to leave

Like the boyfriend, you always meant to leave but ended up staying with because they’re okay to deal with sometimes

I don’t live with my mental illnesses they live with me

And I’m finally finding ways to get them to go

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