I'm stupid and an asshole. I'm selfish and deluded. I'm lazy, I could do better. All the things you said, ringing through my head, like a bad pop song on repeat. Normally it wouldn't bother me, but the words are not one, You should say to the girl who is supposed to be your daughter. But I guess I'll never be, anything you ever wanted. I tried to convince myself. That it wouldn't have any long affecting to my personality or spirit. Yet the other day some woman told me, that my self- esteem is really shot. I could have it worse, so don't bother, pitying me or the candor that slips through my chapped and wordless lips. I'm choking on my alibi. While I receive the third degree, on why I have a class with a D. I tried to tell you that I was depressed, suspect bipolar and social anxiety. But once again, it's all in my head. It's just a chemical delusion that I could overcome. So I get high to prove to you, That my grades will always be Cs,Bs and Ds. I'll never be handsome or talented, like the older brother that overshadowed me. I'll never be smart or clever, like the older sister that has four degrees. You didn't fight and plead for me, like the seven others that would soon replace me. I'm just a body that can cook and clean. And prove my insanity through my grades. Someone pointed out all my scars. There not the normal lines instead, they reflect the anxious scratching, that dug all the way to the vein. The doctor rubbed my arm, said just take deep breaths. Here are some drugs to make you relax. You like me better when I'm stoned out of my mind. When I'm tired all the fucking time. With my "Yes ma'am" and on your drumbeat. I figure you love me in some kind of way. But I'm just not good enough. I'm stupid and an asshole. I'm selfish and deluded. I'm lazy, I could do better. All the things you said, ringing through my head, like a bad pop song on repeat. Normally it wouldn't bother me, but the words are not one, you should say to the girl who is supposed to be your daughter.Share:
Black Sheep
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