To my brother …Sorry

I want a refund for the lies they sold me
I want my hope back from the shit they stole from me
I find that I’m always anxious
I fucking hate this
I just want someone to hold me
these 4 walls are closing in they say I’m never alone but God im so lonely
I’ve got the weight of the world on my shoulders and it’s getting hard to carry
every breath is a fucking struggle these days my chest feels heavy
man I just don’t feel strong today
all I can think about is being gone today
I’m afraid to die but not as much as I’m afraid to live
I’d rather end this than to serve a God and people that expect so much when I have nothing to give
when people were hurting I was always there
the moment I fell apart I looked up just to find no one was fucking there
everybody put me through hell
the moment I got burned they left me by myself
my momma said I was just lazy so I kept running
my grandma said I had talent so I kept drumming
but now all I can do is hold this gun to my head don’t judge me it’s been a long time coming
maybe this trigger will set me free
I’ve been bound for so long I just need a release
I can’t tell you the last time I felt happy or had a good nights sleep
I keep my brother up sometimes I know he loves me but sometimes I wonder if he just wants peace
I hold on to our talks cause it’s all I have
I’m such a burden lately I want to be better and make him proud but I feel so bad
I think me being gone would benefit my family and friends
the only reason I stayed this long was for him
I wish I could say goodbye and he’d let me go but he doesn’t want to let this end
I don’t know how to tell him this depression has taken the best of me …I can give him every part of me ..I can show him the broken pieces that can’t be put back together I can show him how this can’t be fixed ..he’d still try to save me
..I don’t know how to tell him I want him to let me leave I wanna get lost in the stars I want to lose gravity
I may wander for eternity I don’t know if heaven will let me in
only one way to find out
I’m sorry bro for the broken promises
…I’m sorry for my sins

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