what is love

the life of a boy
in the world of a man
im viewed as a toy
and i dont understand

can i not be loved?
i dont know if i can
i cant look at myself
so i stare at my hands

they seem so tangible
like i could reach out and grasp them
but you cant touch what you are
and i cant feel what’s inside him

that boy in the corner
the joke of the day
he can’t ever be happy
try as he may

once the sun sets
and you cant tell the hour
my eyes start to glisten
as i find inner power

i wander the train tracks
trace the lines in my hands
and i reach the old graveyard
im the king of this land

it’s here i break bottles
here where i sing loud
here there’s no one who loves me
nobody who wields that power

because i still dont know what love is
so far it’s only been a thorny blade
twisted into my guts to make me obey

my friends only use me, my parents unaware
oblivious to my existence, and they dont seem to care

my sister, i thought, was the only one true
the person i relied on so id make it through

yet now she has left me
and her kindness is mist
i take out my angers
on my multi-crossed wrists

but the strangest thing yet
i have yet to understand
is strangers ive just met
who try to hold my hand

they want to protect me
they call me “come here!”
only now i see their faces
yet they take away my fear

our fingers never touch
we dont breathe the same breath
yet the stories we share leaves a pain in my chest

is this what love is?
to not be scared, not alone?
is this fabled friendship, no more cutting to bone?

have i found my solace
in a den full of geeks
while we play our own stories
my heart finds relief

i feel like i trust them
i can fin’lly be still
will these bonds save me?
i pray to god that they will

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