The words pour out like uncontrolled vomit,
I watch as I hurt those who mean the most to me.
My words infused with rage and revenge.
I speak without taking a breath.
Without stopping for a second to collect myself.
The words pour out like uncontrolled vomit,
I watch as I hurt those who mean the most to me.
As the free flow of hatred soars off my tongue,
a part of me sinks.
Feeling the pain I have caused because of my emotional explosion.
Feeling the voice of guilt and shame creep in.
Why did you do that?
Why did you say that?
Did you really mean that?
The answer was ALWAYS no. I never truly meant what I said.
I spoke out of emotion.
I spoke out of pain.
I sat with the consequences of my lash outs.
I sat with the broken friendships.
I realized I could not continue this.
My anger needed an outlet,
and that did not include my friends & family.
I began to write.
I let my anger flow as words on a blank canvas.
I let my most inner demons come out.
To speak to me.
To be seen.
To be heard.
To be WITNESSED.
By, no one else but myself.
I had always wanted the approval of others.
I had always wanted unconditional love when I least “deserved” it
What I realized is all along I had been looking for myself.
My own approval.
My own support.
My own love.
That it didn’t matter how the outside viewed me
If I chose to accept me.
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Choosing to accept oneself is undoubtedly the toughest battle that everybody endures. And it hurts to bottle feelings and regrets inside. That’s why I personally champion those who willingly pour their anger, their frustrations, their fears, into their work – it’s a craft that is gravely underrated and I’m so happy to be a part of a community where gifted storytellers (like you) share their artistry. Thank you, as always, for sharing another gem 🙂
You know how to make someone feel really good about themselves! Thank you so much for your kind words and support. It truly means the world. Thank you for seeing and feeling me
To yourself be true. Often is the forgotten law to love your neighbor as YOURSELF. Once we apply this we don’t need nor look for approval from others. This is an epic piece. Appreciate your honesty in this one. You’ve done a great job and are a kind soul.
Yes! I feel the normal perception of ” love your neighbor as YOURSELF” would make it seem that we must love others more than ourselves out of respect and honor. This can create a tricky & sticky belief system & cause many people to silence their voice, allow others to walk all over them, resentment, pain, anger, rage ( as it did for me, as I took that belief and felt I needed to please others at all times to be a “good” girl ). Thank you for your support! it means alot<3