is moving on a form of revenge

fingers are sore
my words drop from my tongue
to etch folklore
into my rusted gun
seduce my head
to tell me it’s fun
i think being dead
could be the one
way to save my soul
deflect your sorrow
happiness is the goal
fret tomorrow
today we drip in gold
you crossed the bridge
and forgot to pay the toll

vibrations
and
sensations
serenade my body
making my vision spotty
and balance dodgey
today i’m mocking
how my brain is clogged
and the way i was drawn out
to be your dog-
– i mean bitch
i feel tricked
and i suppose that’s when
i submit
or maybe admit
that i was never ready
for this
make me sad
about my unsteadiness
i feel bad
for dreading this
suggest that we
could tread on dead witches
fuck me while she stares
and your mama listens
fuck, i didn’t know i
was just a mistress
you had my head clouded
thinking
hopefully, i could be your
misses
stop my heartbeat with taurine
and butterfly kisses
i mean chlorine
and stagnant wishes
i can be your jesus
while i do the dishes
i meant judas
watch me diminish
i can
turn you out
to turn you in
look at that
we’re dripping in sin
hold my hand
close your eyes again
i can teach you
how fun begins

whisper mediocrities
like they’re forgotten prophecies
i needed to taste the fire
it smelt like coffee beans
and felt like ripped jeans
or your arms wrapped around me
kindred soul
where will you go
kiss me lightly
maybe we could swap pedestals
it’s so exciting
to think of fighting
myself
or maybe gaining some help
i find nothing
in everything
what the fuck does that mean
my cerebellum screams
i kind of like being demeaned
you said that’s disgusting
what can i say i’m fairly distrusting
can’t believe
a word you sing
unless it’s along the lines
of catching some dreams
tell me you’ll help me sink
and tie a boulder to my feet
i suppose it was our forgotten link
look me in my eyes
show me what’s got you so mesmerized
i know you can feel my heart
tenderize
and it’s beating so hard
i’m afraid it’ll fall apart
you see superglue ain’t shit
for a million glass shards

say you love me
but hate my scars
whisper your inadequacy
like it’s taboo art
or write your poem about
shits and farts
and tell me how much better you are
than me
sorry that the way i write
doesn’t scream enough
suffering for you
unlucky for you
to be unaccustomed to
the tender kiss of misery
my heart aches for you
and your inability to see me
i break in two
at the thought of you maybe loving me
alas my heart wants to be held
the way that i held onto you
the idea of you
i’d better say
so that way
i won’t have you to blame
for my blind eyes
my blind heart
so so eager to love
so so easily shoved

i started writing this poem
when you and i began
over a year now and
my pen doesn’t seem to fit my hand
and i feel timid
like this ink has so much more
to pull from the pain
and i think it could tell
that you left me drained
frayed
stay in your place
i never would have dug your grave
if you hadn’t asked
and yeah sure whatever
the past is the past
but i will never forget
all the regret and torment
i have endured
loving you was a loose thread
begging to be burned
and you forgot to
put my fire out all of the way
and yes my art
may be ash and decay
but i could easily
start a wildfire with each word
that i will say
think about your spite
your right
you’re always fucking right
and i’m just a stubborn ember
you refused to ignite
but i never needed you to burn
and you may look at this with discern
maybe this poem will hurt
or you’ll never read it
never see it
or speak to
the prophecy i fucking wrote
for us
the spooky scary darkness
of codependent love
or was that not right
rotten to the core love
the kind that digs at your sores
and always keeps scores
tally down the fuck ups
so we can reach across the board
throw it in my face
when you get bored
i’ll throw it right back
so we can both taste the scorn
or should i say scorch
of the blazing flames
can you taste the chaos
as it burns away your name
i have stolen your voice
because you ignored mine for so long

is this moving on

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