Sitting here
Wondering what used to be there
On those playground battlefields
Where playtime was limited
Insults and rumours striking like a bullet
Wondering what other new school rule will make it on their list
Thinking I’m free when my invisible handcuffs reveal I’m on someone’s wish
Always be there never disagree after putting me through drama war after drama war
Who are you to me?
I’m not as brave as a seem
Kids never leaving me be demand after demand crowding around until I was uncontrollably shaking
You were the person who chained my brain
you were the only person who understood me even though you still gave me pain
For others summer was paradise away from the school and my future was nearby
My summer had plans but all of them ended with bye
Stuff happened without me knowing there was a lot of toxic waste my eyes couldn’t see
I wanted an escape I wanted a sleepover I wanted to keep this alive
Instead it died
I know the war is over and years have moved on
Loneliness and melancholy may drain my brain but I’m happy I’m no longer your pawn
The fights felt like they would never end all I really wanted was a friend
Someone to connect to someone to enjoy life with someone who didn’t hate my identity
Thanks to all that nonsense I grew into a monster
Accidently labelling people, trying to fit in and never realising how annoying I was truly being
I just walk around alone now sometimes thinking about your words
Our relationship you never truly meant it
You added a cactus to the knives stabbed in my back
The flashbacks haunted me and sometimes I disappear
When I try to put my feelings into a conversation it doesn’t sound clear
My fear was pointless I should’ve known
I guess I’m happy and away from what almost killed me
But my emptiness never leaves don’t you see?
It’s because of our times I don’t know what a healthy friendship is
I’ve seen them I’ve just never been in one
There are some new faces, new memories and some are nice
But soon some will leave, ending the laughter as I move onto Life’s next chapter
I’m still waiting on my Happy Ever After
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Sad penning, from what you wrote, that friend sounded like a cruel narcissist.
My best to you. 🐝