Drained

I am a drained ocean, yet these waves of inadequacy still ripple through me

My soul feels like it’s being dragged under the tides of life, love and responsibility

I am a drained river and not even the heaviest of rainstorms could refill all that has been emptied

I am a gust of wind, yet I feel everything but free

And like a kite in the branches of a tree,

I am stuck

I don’t believe in luck but right about now I wouldn’t mind having some

It rains here every day, but it still can’t stop the drought in my heart that always seems to come

 

Why am I never good enough?

Not enough to love

Not enough to trust

Just enough to judge

Guess it’s just my luck

 

Why can I never do anything right

I’m a little too much dark when I provide everyone else’s light

I’m a little too silent but when I speak it always starts a fight

 

It has come to my attention that the accessed problems that have been mentioned

Is just me

Something I can’t fix

Just like oil and water, being good enough and I just do not mix

Guess I just can’t appease their interests

 

When will I ever be good enough?

I’m never smart enough

Never white enough

Never hood enough

I can never say what I need to say when I should’ve

 

I’m enough to be used, abused, and misunderstood

I never get the treatment that I should

 

But maybe I just think to highly of myself

Or maybe mi just a toy that should’ve stayed on the shelf

Because I come broken

 

this pain that I have held from the day I could comprehend

This feeling of unwantedness

Heightens the feeling of the helplessness of coming unhinged

 

Buried underneath a smile and a laugh so loud

That it deafens everyone to my screams and my cries

My whales and my whines

My pleads and my whys

 

This life

Is not living

But this heart just keeps giving

Both giving out but refusing to give in

Staying in a fight that it knows it’ll never win,

When

you’re drained, inadequate and tired.

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