WHAT TO DO

What do you do when you feel lonely

not sure if you are wanted or loved?

You sit and contemplate your life

all the choices you made.

The very good, the good, the bad,

the very bad, and the just plain ugly.

Maybe just maybe you wonder

if it’s not the people on earth

you feel you have disappointed.

What if it’s the people in heaven

who know your potential.

Are you maybe afraid it is them

who you are not pleasing?

You start to questions God’s love

and wonder if he guides others and skips over you.

Could it be because I spent

a long time being angry at and questioning him?

I realized when I met

the man of my dreams

and we got married in a church

by a man of the cloth,

that I was not mad at God.

I was mad at things that happened.

The day I got married I swear

I felt his warmth in my heart again.

Then I sit back and spend

so much time wondering if God sees

the trauma different than me.

I wonder if I had never stopped believing

if I would feel like I do.

I say I am sorry to him night and day;

I beg for his forgiveness;

I ask him to guide me.

ALL I GET IS SILENCE

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