What do you do when you feel lonely
not sure if you are wanted or loved?
You sit and contemplate your life
all the choices you made.
The very good, the good, the bad,
the very bad, and the just plain ugly.
Maybe just maybe you wonder
if it’s not the people on earth
you feel you have disappointed.
What if it’s the people in heaven
who know your potential.
Are you maybe afraid it is them
who you are not pleasing?
You start to questions God’s love
and wonder if he guides others and skips over you.
Could it be because I spent
a long time being angry at and questioning him?
I realized when I met
the man of my dreams
and we got married in a church
by a man of the cloth,
that I was not mad at God.
I was mad at things that happened.
The day I got married I swear
I felt his warmth in my heart again.
Then I sit back and spend
so much time wondering if God sees
the trauma different than me.
I wonder if I had never stopped believing
if I would feel like I do.
I say I am sorry to him night and day;
I beg for his forgiveness;
I ask him to guide me.
ALL I GET IS SILENCE
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