“I’ll always hate my birthday, because it will always be the day I lost my best friend.”
Those were the last words said to you,
Passed from my lips to the phone screen,
I didn’t feel the shotgun in my lap anymore,
Just needed a drink to feel okay, okay, again.
Again you’re on my mind like you’re in my life,
Stuck in my heart between anger and love,
Lost between the past and what was the present,
An ocean apart like the seams of my heart,
Pulled at the frayed prayers I once gave God,
God what have You done. . . ? I blamed You.
I blamed You but I made the choices I did,
Justified, rationalized, sweet white lies,
Honey on my lips laying in my coffin I died,
Me myself I focused always on I, I, I,
Self-centered but she was everything to me,
Why’d she hurt me when I just wanted help?
Take a step out of yourself and see it from her eyes,
You pushed her out it doesn’t have to matter why,
You used to be there for her, now all you do is say “hi”
Ask her how she’s doing but never be in her life,
You just criticized her choice in men,
Never asked if she had a choice,
Never asked if she wanted a choice,
You forced it down her throat all the damn time.
Empathy is your greatest gift but you removed her from it,
Couldn’t take the pain, I understand, but you didn’t walk in her shoes,
You loved her til you bled then didn’t touch her with a ten foot pole.
She needed you in her life,
She took me for granted,
I took her for granted,
I needed her in my life.
If I could have talked to you a week ago I would have told you how much I hated you for what you did.
I wish I could talk to you now, tell you how sorry I am that I let you down, tell you I forgive you, and let you know why I did what I did and ended up where I was at.
I’m sorry I hurt you, I have scars you gave me too. It was something we should have overcame together, we just hurt each other too much.